k3v0.net

the roommate

I now have two new roommates

Last Friday around 2:30am the old roommate gets home from the bar quite inebriated. I knew this would happen since I sent a couple texts and called her all with no response. I was on edge (with good reason). I got to sleep around 11pm on Thursday, and was startled awake by the phone ringing. The rooommate is headed home from the bar…

She barged into my room and started bugging me about something. I couldn’t make sense of what since her drunken ramblings were circular in the little logic they had. At this point I tried to get her to calm down and tell me what was wrong. This only ended up provoking her to throw her fork and steak knife at me. The steak knife hit my arm and gave me a nice half inch deep nick. I decided it was time to go to the bathroom and clean things up once I realized there was blood streaming down my arm.

Once in the bathroom she came in. She started asking if the wound mattered more, but she didn’t say more than what. After some cleaning she tried to bite where she got me with the steak knife. She missed and ended up simply chomping on my arm for a while, giving me the most spectacular hickie bruise ever. After that she tried to smash my computer monitor, but I thwarted her. Then she called me some names (none of them terribly creative, I excpected more) and ran into the livingroom. I heard some banging from the livingroom and got there in time to watch her dump my 40 inch 1080p LCD over on the tv stand, putting a nice large hole in the screen. She then proceeded to start jumping on the tv once she pushed it onto the floor. At this point I decided upon retreat. Nothing important was left to smash so I thought there was nothing to lose.

I go into the bedroom and lock the door. She tries getting it open a couple times and then walks away. I then hear/feel a couple thumps on the door with something. Then I see something breaking through the door. She tells me to open the door, to which I say I won’t until she chills out. Before I am finished saying this she repeats her request. After going back and forth a couple times the banging stops.

I open the door and there she stands with my Henkels 8 inch chef’s knife.

The door gets shut and locked, and at this point I called 911. Since there is no code to get into the building I had to meet the officers outside. The roommate realized something was going on since I was quiet and she went into the second bedroom. I put on my shoes and made a break for it. She followed after me, barefoot and wearing a shirt covered in my blood. She kept repeating “do you realize you’re going to send me to jail for this?” as she chased me down the steps and outside. The police arrived and asked our stories. In the end they cuffed her and took her away.

I was not prepared for such surreal events. I never thought I’d get attacked, never thought I’d see someone I loved standing in the hall with a razor sharp blade. It was a bad after school special.

After it was all over and I dropped the restraining order I asked her what made her so mad. She said she didn’t know, and that she was just really sad and depressed. I couldn’t believe someone could be so senseless.

Tags: Roommate

it’s raining water, and drinking glasses

Crazy roommate decided to go out drinking after crying as we watched the baseball game. She complained about how she wants to change, how she doesn’t want to be mean or judgemental. She said she wants to be nicer, or at least be able to fake being nice more effectively. She said she is always sad, and that makes her want to drink, which she knows doesn’t help. I get confused when people complain about things they can change but choose not to.

I wasn’t feeling very well. I was quite tired and had a headache, I must be getting a cold. I went to bed around 9:30, even forsaking the end of the Phils game. I woke up at 2 am for some reason, and then my guard went up because I knew what would probably happen. I must be psychic since around 2:30 a very drunk roommate came in without knocking. Lucky for me she was totally shitfaced and stumbling around making noise!

She started by saying how much she wants me, how she loves how I feel. I told her I still had a headache and didn’t feel well. She bitched a bit then left to go vomit in the bathroom and knock stuff over. She made quite a mess in the bathroom, I’m lucky we have two.

After returning and crying about how she just wants me to want her (this is ironic, since she broke up with me) she kept talking. More crying, more senseless chatter about how I don’t care and how she wants me, more throwing up. I got her a glass of water, since on the occasions when I get sick all I crave is nice cool water to clean the taste out. She didn’t take the water, but then went to the kitchen. Then came the highlight of the night.

She returns with a nice big glass of water and attempts to throw it out my window. There is a screen which cleverly deflects the glass, spraying water everywhere. Then the screen gets opened and she tosses the glass out. Fucking Epic! At this point I can’t help but laugh inside at the absurdity of the situation: a retarded unstable drunk is failing at even the simple task of throwing stuff out the window. Better yet, somehow this drunk thinks we can have a meaningful conversation, and maybe some sort of relationship. I’m a fool for letting myself get wrapped up in this. I somehow thing that with enough love and good cooking people will see what kind of fucking idiots they are and try to change themselves. FAIL. Occasionally I question if I have changed as much as I think I have, but that’s just my own insecurities speaking and not reality.

I asked her what she thought that would accomplish, and she said it’s the only way she can get me to pay attention. This caused me to snap. I began actually telling her how I feel about the whole situation, which engendered no response to my surprise, since she always has shit to say even if it makes no sense. She began to calm down and after some repeated gibberish she finally went to sleep.

As I lay in bed I tried to clear my head. It’s senseless to attempt to apply logic to a drunk. I think alcohol short circuits those awesome channels in our brain that we have developed to systematically categorize our existence. When those levies break all you can do is try to get to higher ground, try not to drown in the flood of subconscious. It’s hard to feel such pain from someone you loved and to know you can do nothing.

Tags: Roommate

what is my motivation?

The other day the roommate was quite depressed and asked me about what motivates me. It seemed like she wanted a quick, easy answer. The desire to make more $ motivates me! The desire to nail broads motivates me!

She wanted me to say something simple and profound that could help her realize deep inside what she needed to motivate her. For some reason she needs motivation to help her do whatever it is she wants to do.

I told her I have different motivations for different choices. Fundamentally though, I feel no real existential or fundamental motivation to accomplish anything. I am motivated to work harder to make more $. I am motivated to cook because I like to eat, and I don’t want to pay others to cook for me normally. Most of my motivations are to accommodate my creature comforts. This was a terrible surprise to my roommate.

This may have been a surprise, but it didn’t compare to what came next. I dropped the bomb. “Life is busywork. I go to work to get $, so I can pay rent and eat food. A good portion of my day is spent at work, to make $ so I can live. It’s all busywork.” There is no “point” to my existence. My parents fucked, I was born. A god did not put me here to do his/her bidding. I am not here to save people or change the world. I can do nothing but try to go throughout my life without causing discomfort or troubles for other. If I am lucky, I will make them laugh or help them see something they haven’t before. I occasionally try to help people when they need it, since they are just like me.

I don’t think she wanted to hear that I could be a bodhisattva, peacefully loitering to help my brothers and sisters find their inner light.

The dude abides.

Tags: Roommate

p-p-p-p-p-powernap

Lately I’ve taken to eating my lunch while working so I can enjoy a nice little nap in the car. It makes me feel much more refreshed and productive. I think we would all be a lot more happy and productive if everyone relaxed for a bit during the work day. It makes me much less likely to respond crankily when coworkers don’t do their job or try and avoid doing work, or when extra work gets dumped onto me from the awesome software development machine that is my job.

It also helps for the times when your drunken roommate wakes you up to complain about how they are bored and miserable for an hour until they fall asleep in a stew of vodka. Being sleepy because I got drunk the night before is okay, since I got to have some fun. Being sleepy because you live with someone who pickles their depression with a depressant is another story altogether.

Tags: Roommate, work

happiness vs. contentment

Tags: Roommate