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what is my motivation?

The other day the roommate was quite depressed and asked me about what motivates me. It seemed like she wanted a quick, easy answer. The desire to make more $ motivates me! The desire to nail broads motivates me!

She wanted me to say something simple and profound that could help her realize deep inside what she needed to motivate her. For some reason she needs motivation to help her do whatever it is she wants to do.

I told her I have different motivations for different choices. Fundamentally though, I feel no real existential or fundamental motivation to accomplish anything. I am motivated to work harder to make more $. I am motivated to cook because I like to eat, and I don’t want to pay others to cook for me normally. Most of my motivations are to accommodate my creature comforts. This was a terrible surprise to my roommate.

This may have been a surprise, but it didn’t compare to what came next. I dropped the bomb. “Life is busywork. I go to work to get $, so I can pay rent and eat food. A good portion of my day is spent at work, to make $ so I can live. It’s all busywork.” There is no “point” to my existence. My parents fucked, I was born. A god did not put me here to do his/her bidding. I am not here to save people or change the world. I can do nothing but try to go throughout my life without causing discomfort or troubles for other. If I am lucky, I will make them laugh or help them see something they haven’t before. I occasionally try to help people when they need it, since they are just like me.

I don’t think she wanted to hear that I could be a bodhisattva, peacefully loitering to help my brothers and sisters find their inner light.

The dude abides.

Tags: Roommate

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